Saturday, November 12, 2011
I'm such an incredible worrier. I don't know when I became this way or maybe I've just repressed memories of being such a worry-wart from my childhood. Wait- yep, there comes a few memories. I've apparently always been this way. Whew, at least it's not because I'm getting old. Yet.
One of my many goals in life is to learn to let things go when I can't control them- or worse, when they haven't even happened yet.
I worry I'm the only person in the world that does this. Oops, no wait. I'm not going to worry about that. Anyway, I am possibly the only person in the world that lies awake at night and invents scenarios to worry over, based on events that haven't even happened yet. "Well, if she says this, then I'll say that, but then if she gets mad, then that means this won't happen and if that doesn't happen then they are not going to be able to..."
Take a deep breath and let it all go.
If it hasn't even happened yet, it might not happen that way at all (which I've noticed is often the case). Even if it has, my worrying over someone else's reaction is not serving a purpose.
I think a lot of this stems from my desire to be prepared. If I worry, I work out scenarios and have a bit of control over the situation, even if it seems out of control. Instead, I spend sleepless nights tossing and turning over things that never happen. I spend energy I could devote elsewhere to running scenes through my head trying to map out a course of action I will probably never need.
I need to learn just to let it all go. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Although inside of me, a little part is screaming "But what if you get there and need a rope?"