Thursday, June 7, 2012
That's what it is, you know. It's every self doubt, every bad feeling, every tiny, niggling, paranoid thought you've ever had. It takes up residence in your brain and it roots there. It's anxiety, blackness, despair- and it's a liar.
I have finally been able to identify some of my own triggers. I can be perfectly fine for such a long time, then suddenly there it is- it starts with a fluttering feeling in my chest and a sense of urgency. It moves to an almost frantic searching for something. Maybe it's a way to save more money, I don't know- it just depends on what the trigger is at the time as to what I'm searching to change, or "fix".
The anxiety builds, it paves the way for a little more self-doubt to sneak in. Then a lot more. Then suddenly, everything is bad. Everything.
Some people spend days or weeks in a dark fog, unable to get out of bed. Some people are "walking depression victims"- they can function and seem relatively normal, but inside is a turmoil.
Why am I posting about this? Why do I occasionally post about depression in general? To remove the stigma. I'm not going to say something kitschy like "depression isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign you've been strong too long"- I'm going to just say- Depression Lies.
Whatever it tells you, wherever you are, whatever is going on in your life- it's too easy to listen to the negativity. Don't. If only it was that easy.